Pregnancy and self-esteem

So being pregnant is supposed to be the happiest time of your life right? You become a beautiful, blossoming carrier of life and you can’t help but feel radiant and gorgeous.

That was definitely not how it was for me.  I’m not talking about the usual terrifying symptoms (heartburn, nausea, nausea, exhaustion, bathroom issues etc) although I got all of them by the bucket load. 

I’m talking about my sense of self. As soon as I started showing, I stopped feeling like me. It’s not like I had a supermodel body before (at all) but i hated seeing myself change beyond my control. 

I became obsessed with whether or not people could tell whether I was pregnant. I felt like everyone was watching me. I didn’t feel human anymore. I felt like pregnant Lauren was a different person to normal Lauren. 

I kept trying to explain to people how I was feeling but nobody understood. The entire time I felt like people talked to the bump and not to me. 

I was so excited to be pregnant. I had waited my entire life for this, and my stupid self-esteem was ruining it for me. 

I can offer no solution to this. I didn’t find a way to make myself feel better. The bigger I got, the more I felt defined by being pregnant. I was nothing more than a host for someone else.

Until the day I got to see my little girl. I know it’s an overused cliche, but she has made all of it worth it. I genuinely struggle to remember how unhappy I was. I have a new, much better identity now. I’m a mum and that is so much better. 😊

I’m so happy, I don’t even mind this horrible photo. 


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s